Beautiful Struggles

All I want for Christmas is something that can't be bought... All I want for Christmas is something that stores don't sell... All I want for Christmas is something that can't be planned... See all I want for Christmas is a Baby... I know it sounds absolutely crazy, and the reality is I have thought about writing this post for sometime.  We have been "trying to conceive" since September of 2014.  After we got married in June of 2014 we enjoyed a few months of newlywed bliss, before the idea of growing our sweet family started stewing in our heads. In October of last year I thought for certain our first round of progesterone had worked, and that we would be expecting our own little addition. I waited those three wonderful minutes, and quickly discovered I was certainly not pregnant.  Months went on, and on. The treatments continued, and I tried everything from acupuncture to eating everything under the sun that was supposed to help you get pregn

Tonight I sit and write as we make a trip that we made once before five years ago. Tonight we make the trip from Philadelphia to Cape May to attend yet another Coast Guard gravitation. As I sit here knowing my heart should be filled with pride for my youngest brother in law, it is instead filled with heartbreak. See my world looks a whole lot different than it did five years ago. See five years ago we were beginning our journey with the Coast Guard. I was a proud girlfriend in the crowd watching my handsome boyfriend pursue his passion. He stood proudly as he graduated from basic training. He was so excited for the adventures that were to come. He could not wait to report to New Orleans for his first station. He has every intention to follow his heart's desire to become a rescue diver. And for me, I knew that I had signed up to someday be his loving Coast Guard wife.  That dream was quickly shattered three years ago this week, and tonight on this car ride I sit res

Years ago while working at Shane Co., we started an employee encouragement with the motto "Be Here Now". At the time this meant be at work while you are at work, check the home life at the door. Be with the customer that was right in front of you, don't worry about the tasks that you could be doing. Be present in whatever you are currently doing. My manager at the time gave the example of being on the phone with her parents, and while she was having a conversation she was also checking her email, watching tv, and trying to carry on a conversation. (Now for many of us this may sound like daily life, doing a million things at once.) She then continued to her story explaining that once they rolled out the motto of "Be Here Now", she really tried to be more attentive to whatever task was in front of her. She actually had conversation with her family, her emails were actually understood, and everyone in her life felt more engaged with her. Little did I know wh

TimeHop... An app that I both love and hate. An app that allows me to see what silly things I have posted in the past on this day as long ago as I have been on social media! This app has allowed for me to see the transformation of Kaleb and I's relationship, the friends I have developed over the years, and the way may faith has grown. It is normally the thing that makes me giggle through out the day.  Today there was a little less giggling as I reflected upon my TimeHop. Today the photo that popped up was of Kaleb and I standing together for the last time as two able bodied individuals.  Three years ago today we walked around the glorious city of New Orleans looking at engagement rings, while strolling hand in hand. We enjoyed a meal on the river, and took in the sounds of one of our favorite neighborhoods.  We went to a jazz concert off of bourbon with two of our favorite coasters. We wondered around bourbon street with several of Kaleb's dearist friends, and we e

A lot has changed since I last took the time to write.  We moved apartments last February, and had my wonderful parents assist in setting up our little home. I accepted a new position last January with a wonderful company, and have the best of friends to call co workers.   We joined our church in July, and know that Denver is exactly where God wants us.  Those are all the things that have changed in the last few months, but one thing has not we are still a family of two. After trying for a little one  for almost a year, and doing acupuncture for six months, we have decided to seek advice from a professional.  On Wednesday I had my first appointment with the infertility Doctor, and I must admit that I absolutely adore her. She knows Craig Hospital, where Kaleb has been doing rehab for almost three years. She is calm and takes the time to truly explain everything that could possibly be going on. She has a wonderful team that additionally makes you feel welcomed and loved

As I sit here madly in love with 2015 already, I cannot help but long for the memories of 2014. 2014 brought me the best memories of my life, and as ready as I am to welcome a new year I would like to take a post to review the past.  January, bridesmaid dress shopping with the most amazing women.  February, deserves many photos! February I read our engagement announcement in the local newspaper, I watched a family embrace their standing son for the first time since November 2012, and we were able to take standing engament photos.  March, between a visit from two of my besties, and my church bridal shower it was an incredible month. I picked out my viel, and celebrated Kaleb and I's future with the same church family that has supported me my entire life!  April, I began my job at Moji a bang salon, I celebrated my Mom's 40th birthday, and I experienced an amazing photo shoot that would later be the most perfect gift for my futu