Eloise Jeanne's Birth Story

Today marks two weeks since we brought our princess home to Dusk Way, two weeks since we started this grand adventure of parenthood without nurses and doctors guiding us along the way. Yet, I have been trying to process her birth for the last 17 days. I have gone over with doctors, nurses, my incredible husband, and my sweet mom the events that happened over two days that eventually led to bringing our daughter into the world. So today, two weeks after we have come home, I sit here to type out Eloise's birth story in hopes of possibly finding some understanding, or at least to have it documented.

Ellie's birth story is actually much longer than just her birth, it started two the week prior to ever moving forward with her induction. On November 10th I contacted my doctor after suffering from a severe headache (almost migraine like) for two days, I was extremely swollen, and had been vomiting. I will never forget the terror I felt when Nikki, our nurse, called me back and told me to head over to Labor and Delivery right away. Eloise was only 35 weeks and 4 days, it was much to early for her to come, and plus I had no idea why I was being sent. They sent me to triage and the sweetest nurse Sarah was there to assist me through the long process of running test. We started with the typical urine samples, blood work, hooking me up to the monitors to watch Eloise's heartbeat and my contractions. The typical checklist of being triaged in Labor and Delivery. Kaleb and I sat in the triage room for what seemed like forever, when Sarah made her way back in and started asking me questions about my hand tingling, my blood pressure; more questions than the last time we were there for blood pressure issues. Eventually our doctor showed up in the triage room and informed me that with my symptoms, along with the protein in my urine, I was showing the signs of preeclampsia without the blood pressure. She wanted to keep me for 24 hours, run another urine panel and watch my blood pressures. So we were moved from triage to Labor and Deliver. 

We made ourselves at home in the room without a baby bed, because that was not our goal, our goal was to keep Ellie in and let her grow while we worked at figuring out what was wrong with mom. So for 24 hours my urine was tracked, my blood pressure was monitored, and my contractions were watched. There was no real plan on what next steps would look like, or what I was actually being treated for. There were nurses telling me I was suffering from preeclampsia, and then there were nurses who had no idea what was wrong with me but it was probably just a migraine (they were my least favorite). I was given pain medicine for the headaches, medicine for the nausea, and medicine to help me sleep. They knocked me out for two nights hoping that it was exhaustion that was inducing the headache. I was a puzzle that was missing pieces, but they knew something was wrong. My doctor sat with me on Friday night equally as frustrated and confused not being able to provide an answers with the evidence she had but also not being able to send me home with symptoms I possessed. Saturday morning I was discharged and given an "answer" or at least something they could put in my chart. They diagnosed me with preeclampsia and sent me home on bed rest. 

The days following were horrible, they were filled with taking medication in six hour regiments to control the piercing pain of the headache and to help with nausea. They didn't work, the headache still lived right at the forefront of my brain and nothing I ate stayed down. Bed rest was annoying to me, but allowed me the time to finish her room and get the house in order. My body felt like it was shutting down around me. I was growing by leaps and bounds, not just because of pregnancy but because of the fluid that was storming my small frame. I was exhausted from lack of eating, and frustrated from lack of answers. I was met with my doctor on the Tuesday following who once again had few answers but did offer her sympathy, which did mean something. She checked my cervix in hopes of some dilation, that way she could strip my membranes and ideally get things going. I was at 1 cm, I had been at 1 cm since the Friday prior. Her answer for the day was to start the 24 hour urine test again and continue on the pain medicine, I was still on bed rest and still frustrated. Wednesday I took in my jug of pee, this time only half full based on the fact that I could not keep anything down and was progressively getting sicker. Nikki took my blood pressure which was higher yet for me but still in the "safe range". After expressing the lack of movement I had felt from Eloise over the last 24 hours, we moved forward with a NST test to see what our sweet girl was doing. Over 40 minutes Eloise moved four times, this after drinking a caparison and eating an orange. She was beginning to suffer, not extremely but some. Our doctor came in and sat with me for the last 20 minutes of the test. She watched my panic as our sweet baby wasn't moving, she heard my words of sadness expressing how in my life this part was suppose to be the easy part, and she felt my pain when I went to throw up everything I had just ingested. She knew I was sick and felt awful not being able to provide an answer to the problem. She left me for a few moments sitting in the "relaxing" room where the NST was held, she returned with what felt like the answer we had been looking for. I was obvisouly getting worse, and unfortunately so was Ellie. The answer was to send me for an MRI and confirm that I was not suffering from something neurological that could be worsened when I was pushing, if the MRI came back clean then we would induce on Thursday. My heart sank, it was the answer I wanted but that mean we would meet our baby sooner than any of us thought. The MRI came back clean and at 1:30 in the afternoon on Thursday November 17th we received the news that we had been not so patiently waiting for. We were told to head to Labor and Delivery at 7:30 pm and we would start the induction process. That is where Eloise Jeanne's birth story truly begins. 

It was the first snow of the season and it was not a light snow. The roads were slick, icy, and just plain nasty. As Kaleb drove us to Labor and Delivery I swore the icy roads were going to send me into labor on my own. We stopped for dinner, not knowing if I was going to be allowed to eat once we checked in. I ate mashed potatoes from KFC and tried my hardest to keep them down. We sat in the McDonald;s parking lot where we spoke to our families, friends, and each other about what we were about to embark upon. There was joy lots of joy and nerves lot of nerves. I had our induction birth plan ready to present to the nurses, we had our bags packed with swim suites and clothes to labor in because I was going to be able to get up and walk around and labor where I wanted, and we had each other which was most important. We checked in at 7:20 pm and that's when things started to spiral out of control. 

My last bump photo

From the moment I slipped into the gown and the nurses began introducing themselves things began to spiral out of control of my birth plan. We asked if I could be monitored only once an hour, they agreed, we asked if even on the pitocin drip if I would be able to labor in the bath, they agreed. Then they read the doctors orders. They read that I need to be on a magnesium drip through my entire labor process because of the preeclampsia, this was to keep me from having a seizure during labor. This drip changed my labor, it changed my birth process. They explained how it would make you feel like you have the flu, you would suffer from chills and exhaustion, you would feel achy and sick, it was not going to be enjoyable. They started the first bag which would be the fastest bag and also started me on a bag of fluids to help dilute some of the magnesium. It was immediate. I went from feeling sick to extremely sick. I was tired and weak, more so than I had been prior. I was achy, I felt sick. They proceeded to inform me that because the magnesium made individuals so sick they will not let you walk around while on it and that I would need a catheter and I would be bed bound until she came. Wait, what happened to laboring in the bath and on the ball, what happened to being able to walk and help things along, what happened to my plan! It was out the window and I was stuck in bed.  In the process of getting all of this moving along the sweet nurses blew a vein, much more painful than I expected, and inserted the catheter in the wrong place, also painful. It was a rough way to start this induction and this was just the beginning. 

At 10:30pm they began the induction process with Citadel, to help soften my cervix. We would do a dosage every four hours up until three dosages which put us at 6:30 am. At 10:30 am, twelve hours later we began the pitocin drip which would be increased every 30 minutes until I hit 10 cm and it was time to push. Both of our families were gathered in the waiting room or in our room, it was a time of bonding and enjoyment and exhaustion. The magnesium did exactly what it was suspected to do, it caused blurred vision, flu like symptoms, and exhaustion. I took an ambian to try and sleep at 2:00am Friday morning which left me groggy most of the day Friday. My cervix was checked every hour from the start of the pitocin drip in hopes that things would finally start moving. We had planned on my doctor coming in at noon to break my water, but my body had a mind of its own and decided to break moments before she walked in. I recall the nurse leaving, the feeling of wetness and looking at Kaleb stating "I think my catheter just fell out."  I still wasn't very dilated but my water had broke and we were still hopeful for a baby before long. After my water broke it became difficult to monitor Ellie on the outside and it was suggested that for her safety we moved forward with internal monitoring, that way her heartbeat was accurate and they could better tell the intensity of my contractions. At that point I requested the epidural, which was a very defeating moment for me.  I had planned on a natural medication free labor, I had planned on having the opportunity to walk the halls and labor in the bath, I had planned on not feeling like I was suffering from a horridness flu, this was my plan! However because of the Citidal I was suffering from an ultra sensitive cervix and the fact that I could not move I was unable to do anything for the pain but sit in my bed and focus on the contractions I was having. I also knew that adding just one more thing inside of me would lead to feeling increasingly more uncomfortable.  I decided if everything else was being medically treated I might as well help myself out and hopefully allow my body to rest some. They started the epidural drip which did allow for some relief from the pain and the discomfort from the amount of that had been shoved in me. 

Some time in the afternoon they introduced what would be my new buddy through out labor the peanut ball. This was inserted in-between my legs and I was told to lay on my side practically on my stomach to help my hips spread and force Ellie down. The idea was I would rotate sides every 30 minutes which would continue to soften my cervix, move her down, and as mentioned help my hips spread. For the first few hours I was able to rotate from side to side without much problem, but as time moved on Ellie became less mobile with a lack of fluid surrounding her, and every time I laid on my left side her heart rate would slow. From 5:15 pm to 5:45 pm my body had kicked into gear and jumped me from 6cm to 9cm, which also sent Ellie into a bit of distress. The nurse was on the phone with my doctor and was telling her that the variable was staying the same and not increasing. When I finally asked her what that variable was she very quickly stated that the baby's heartbeat was low and was not increasing. The decision was made to completely stop my labor and give Eloise the chance to recover. They gave me terbutaline and shut off the pitocin, everything was halted. 

The terbutaline made me feel like I was living in an ice box. My teeth chatter, I could hardly move, the room was hot to everyone and yet I felt like I was freezing to death. They mentioned that it should wear off within an hour, it did not. Two hours later I felt a little less like a freezer, but still had the shakes, my body was exhausted. We started the pitocin drip again at 7:30pm once again increasing it every thirty minutes with the hopes of my body finally moving to 10 cm and becoming fully effaced. Hours went by and every hour on the hour my sweet nurse, Heather, would come in and check to see if we made any progress... we typically had not. I laid there for hours on my right side with the peanut ball between my legs. I laid there as the epidural made my right leg numb but allowed me to feel everything in my left side. I laid there exhausted, our families were exhausted, our wonderful friend was exhausted. It was exhausting. I had them give me a shot of the epidural on my left side to hopefully help with the pain I was feeling, it did not. At midnight I was almost to 10 cm but I was not completely effaced on the left side so we tried to switch sides while Ellie was closely monitored, she did not like that. We tried to lay on my back while Ellie was still closely monitored, she also did not like that. We went back to the right side. At 1:00 am I did it! I made it to 10 cm and it was time to try and push! She contacted my doctor let her know it was go time. 

At 1:30 on November 19th we started with a practice push. I was 10 cm dilated, but my contractions were anywhere from four minutes to six minutes apart sometimes only lasting for thirty seconds at a time. At 1:58 am the doctor was in the room and we were pushing. Prior to pushing I felt exhausted, I felt like I could not wake up. I tried everything, I tried mouthwash (I know it sounds strange, but I was hoping the burning hot mouthwash would wake me up), I tried a washcloth on my face, I tried drinking water (which would shortly come back up). I felt like I was going into this half asleep and in reality I was. The magnesium and preeclampsia had made me feel sick. I had the blurred eyesight and flu like symptoms, I had not eaten in a week, I had thrown up everything I had drank prior to going into pushing. It was awful. 

I remember staring at the clock just focusing on making it an hour, after that first hour I tried focusing on fifteen minute intervals. I listened to my nurse, my loving husband, and my mom as they would encourage me to push. I remember hearing that they could see her head, but in the times between the contractions she would move back up. I remember prior to pushing Heather stating that she felt a bump that the doctor would potentially have to work around to move Ellie out. I remember the doctor switching places with the nurse and agreeing that she to felt it, we did not know what "it" was, but they both were in agreement. I remember them watching her sweet little heartbeat decrease with every push because somewhere her cord was pinched. I remember my back feeling like it was going to break in the last push I gave, I remember crying out in pain and leaning into the side of the bed that my mom was on. I remember asking Heather if I could take a break considering I had just slept through an entire contraction. At that point I remember Heather stating we could try and push for two more hours and hopefully she would move far enough down that the doctor could use the vacuum or we could move forward with a c section. When the doctor returned to the room after two hours of pushing and no progress being made she encouraged moving forward with the c section, she did not believe that Ellie would move low enough to use the vacuum. My contractions were slowing down, I was on the highest dosage of pitocin, and we were not making any progress. I felt exhausted, defeated, like I was failing, but most of all exhausted. I turned and looked at my loving husband who for two hours had held my right left that was still numb from the epidural though it had been turned off for almost three hours. His eyes filled with tears knowing that what was best for me at that time would be moving into the operating room even though it was greatly against the plan. I reached for my mom for reassurance that I was making the right decision, she agreed and encouraged me that it would be okay. At four in the morning the decision was made and the plan was put into action. The waiver was put in front of me and I could not focus on the paper enough to sign it in the right place, I was exhausted and so was my body. The doctor left to prep herself for surgery, Heather brought Kaleb what he would need to go into the OR with me, and our families flooded our room to pray with me and over me prior to surgery.  

This picture means the world to me, it was the last time Kaleb felt sweet Ellie on the inside. 

I faintly remember entering the operating room. I faintly remember the anesthesiologist introducing himself to me and making sure I was numb. I faintly remember vomiting once again as I waited for them to start. I faintly remember the words "she's a beautiful little girl" and honestly I had no idea that those words meant she was born. At 4:38 am our beautiful Eloise Jeanne Wilson was lifted out of my tummy where she had grown over the last nine months and was introduced to the world, and I faintly remember seeing her. I faintly remember the nurses describing her or looking over at Kaleb as he met our daughter. I faintly remember them putting her on my chest and then once again vomiting. I faintly remember my incredible husband rubbing my head and telling me I was okay. I faintly remember all of these things. 

The first time I truly remember holding her was in post op when she was almost an hour old, but I will treasure that moment forever. 

We were extremely blessed to have an incredible friend there documenting from Friday evening into Saturday morning which has helped some in remembering. I was am also blessed to have a husband who photographed as much as he could in the operating room which also helps in creating those memories. Her birth story was not what I had planned but was the plan our God had for her. 

Over the last two weeks I have struggled with the process of accepting her birth story. I asked every nurse if I was weak and multiple times asked for them to review my chart and tell me what was stated. My chart states that my preeclampsia was worsening and she was not progressing, it was time for her to leave me for our safety. I asked my doctor if I had done something wrong, was I not strong enough to handle child birth. Her answer was what I needed, because I know her and her answer was truth. She told me that she was honestly shocked I ever dilated to 10 cm, because the reality was my hips were not separating and she was not going to fit. She reminded me that our beautiful baby was born with a cone head because she was stuck in the birthing canal. She took away the feeling of weakness, but I am still processing the feeling of failure. 

However I did not fail, I was not weak. I carried our beautiful baby girl for nine months, I kept her safe and warm, and I brought her into this world. Even if it was in a different fashion than I had planned. She is my miracle baby and has been from the start, she is my Eloise Jeanne. 

Eloise Jeanne Wilson

11.19.2016 at 4:38 am

6lbs 1oz 20 1/4 inches