Beautiful Struggles

My Beautiful Daughter, How is it that I have held you in my arms for one whole year? How is it that we only have a year full of memories and yet it feels like I have loved you forever? You have shaped me in more ways than you will ever know. You have allowed me to love myself in such a different way. You have taken my flaws and made them into lessons, you have taken my successes and made them your successes. You are everything I ever dreamed of and so much more. The best title I have ever held is Mama, and the best voice to ever say it is yours. This month has been filled with a bitter sweet moments. As we planned your first birthday and made sure everything was absolutely perfect I was also filled with such sadness that the days of having a baby were numbered. You learned to free stand this month but did not walk yet. You said "dada" which of course your dada loved so very much and practiced countless other noises and squeals that will someday makeup your words. We ...

Hello Eloise Jeanne,  Can you believe it, you are eleven months old. This month was different than the others because I knew exactly what we were doing a year ago. I remember celebrating you with our church family back home, I remember making the long drive to Albuquerque for the Balloon Fiesta and celebrating you at Aunt Becca's shower. I remember feeling as though I couldn't get any bigger and then I did. I remember counting each of your kicks to make sure you were growing just right. You were my best friend long before I met you and you captured my wold long before the world greeted you.  This month you seemed to truly embrace that crazy toddler side and nothing can stop our speed crawler. You know exactly where the dog food is and love to play in Chuck's water, chuck does not find it quite as amusing. You are love to smile, you are constantly smiling and waving at anyone and everyone. You figured out how to wave, the sweet little precious wave whe...

Ecclesiastes 3:1-15 New International Version (NIV) A Time for Everything 3  There is a time   for everything,      and a season for every activity under the heavens: 2       a time to be born and a time to die,      a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3       a time to kill   and a time to heal,      a time to tear down and a time to build, 4       a time to weep and a time to laugh,      a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5       a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,      a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6       a time to search and a time to give up,      a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7       a time to tear and a time to mend,      a time to be silent  an...

Hello My Tiny Best Friend,  Well here I sit looking back on month ten with you just two days prior to writing your eleven month post. Maybe its a form of denial, maybe we are just to busy all the time, or maybe mama just hasn't had those writing juices flowing in a while. No matter the reason I need to get these words down before they are lost down the rabbit hole and forever forgotten.  This month we celebrated your monthly birthday in Albuquerque in the middle of our week long stay with GG so daddy could handle somethings at the VA. Our trip to Albuquerque seemed to gain excitement as soon as you turned ten months with our first visit to the ER after you knocked your head on GG's counter while taking a sink bath. You were fine, mama was not. Two weeks later we were back in the ER because you had a virus and needed an IV. Once again you took it like a champ, mama did not. I believe I cried equally as much as you did. My heart has never broken as much as it did t...

        My Sweet Eloise Jeanne, Month nine has come and gone and mama has been the worst at putting this together. Has with every month this one has been equally busy and equally different. I find myself smelling your sweet baby scent as it becomes fainter. I hold you nightly after you have fallen asleep staring at your sweet tiny face. This month I feel that we said goodbye to my baby baby and began welcoming our soon to be toddler. Your personality has come out in force, you know what you want and will do whatever it takes to get it. You are determined and strong willed, both qualities that I know will take you far in the future. I miss my baby baby but love playing with my new toddler girl. This month was a huge month for mobility. We went from not really being able to move at all to moving constantly. On July 25th you began trying to army crawl and can successfully get yourself from one place to another. On Friday,...

Well beautiful we are another month closer to your big first birthday. As we inch closer and closer I seem to remember more and more those first moments with you. Like the moment that I finally made it into post op and they put you on my chest, it was as though all the pain of my c section was gone and time stood still. Or the moment of watching your dad and the nurses give you your first bath, I longed to be there by your side but also loved that it was your daddy with you. These moments fill my heart often, but as often as I long for those first few days I am just as eager to see where you go in this great big world. You have so much personality and drive that I know you are going to be one amazing adult. You are strong willed but never will I say that's a bad thing. You are quiet, observant, cautious, and slow. You don't make a single move without thinking it through. Your smile is contagious and you are still rarely seen without it. You are perfect! This month was fi...