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A Trip I've Taken Once Before

Tonight I sit and write as we make a trip that we made once before five years ago. Tonight we make the trip from Philadelphia to Cape May to attend yet another Coast Guard gravitation. As I sit here knowing my heart should be filled with pride for my youngest brother in law, it is instead filled with heartbreak. See my world looks a whole lot different than it did five years ago.
See five years ago we were beginning our journey with the Coast Guard. I was a proud girlfriend in the crowd watching my handsome boyfriend pursue his passion. He stood proudly as he graduated from basic training. He was so excited for the adventures that were to come. He could not wait to report to New Orleans for his first station. He has every intention to follow his heart's desire to become a rescue diver. And for me, I knew that I had signed up to someday be his loving Coast Guard wife. 
That dream was quickly shattered three years ago this week, and tonight on this car ride I sit resting my feet upon my coastie's wheelchair. So this time in New Jersey things look a lot different.  Tomorrow my coastie will put on his dress blues, and then transfer into his chair. He will present his little brother with his certificate, and then he will wheel away. His brother will report to his first station in New York, while we will return to our home in Denver (a city that was chosen based on his recovery). 
It is not that I am jealous of his little brother, and his adventure with the coast guard. It is that I know how much it meant to my sweet husband, and my heartbreaks for him. I know it will be difficult for him to put on his uniform while not being active. I know it will be devastating to wheel around Cape May, a place he spent eight weeks of his life, running. I know these things, because I know him better than I have ever known anyone. 
Our lives have changed since the accident. Not all of it is bad, in fact most of it is absolutely wonderful. But this, watching my husband hurt, this is bad. This is devastating. 

XOXO, 
B



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  1. Breakfast at LillysNovember 12, 2015 at 7:30 PM

    This post made me tear up.
    I am glad you're being so positive in a tough situation and although this will be difficult for him, I am sure your husband will put on a brave face for his brother.

    xoxo, Jenny || Breakfast at Lillys

    ReplyDelete

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